


All I Needed

by Penandharpoon



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Bisexual Gon Freecs, Blow Jobs, Cuddling, Eventual Smut, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Killua Zoldyck, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Reunions, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:28:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26773660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penandharpoon/pseuds/Penandharpoon
Summary: "Killua had spent the following two years ‘moping’ as Alluka called it, trying to lose himself in his work and in protecting Alluka. He attempted multiple times to reach out – write, message, visit – but chickened out every time. Eventually, he forced himself to let it go, certain he put more weight into something that was nothing and more than likely one-sided. As he overlooked the snow-capped mountains below, he felt his face flush and chided himself for still having a reaction at picturing the spiky-haired boy who changed his life. "My first story on Killugon! Not sure how these summary works so please let me know. Killua and Gon reunite for Leorio and Kurapika's wedding after 5 years.
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Comments: 55
Kudos: 167





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first Killugon story so please be kind. There are many stellar Killugon fics out there, but I decided to add one more to the void. I know there is already a fic out there centering around a wedding (amazing story!) but I wanted to try something a little different. Please let me know any feedback you may have or if I should continue!

**Chapter 1**

Killua had been in the Southern continent vacationing with Alluka when the wedding invitation came in. Alluka would start college next month, so they were spending as much time together as they could before she left. It felt odd; none of them had ever been on a ‘normal’ vacation before, but they managed to make the most out of the resort’s various amenities. Killua was lounging on a beach chaise keeping an eye on Alluka, who was writing something in the wet sand near the shore, when the resort’s bellboy brought him his mail.

Most of it was requests for upcoming jobs from his agent back in YorkNew. He sighed inwardly as he shuffled quickly through them, his hand freezing on the gold envelope with dainty calligraphy embossed on top. Killua sliced it gingerly with his elongated nails as he pulled out the parchment and gave a small smile.

“ _We hereby invite you to attend the union of Leorio Paladiknight and Kurapika Kurta on September 3, 2020.”_

“Alluka!” Killua jumped out of the chair, flinging sand everywhere as he jogged over to Alluka who was fending off some guy trying to impress her with his tanned muscles. Killua gave the guy a menacing look causing him to cower and scurry away before waving the envelope in Alluka’s face. She squealed and did a little hop before grabbing the parchment off his hands.

“It’s happening,” he grinned.

__________________________________________________________________

The flight back to Yorknew was about six hours in total, which was 5 hours 59 minutes more than Killua appreciated. Alluka was in the middle, chatting away with their aisle mate as if they weren’t all compressed in one giant metal killing machine in the sky. Killua ground his teeth and stared out the window, which surprisingly seemed to help. He hated being in conditions he couldn’t control, though he had tried to convince Alluka they take a private plane considering they could afford it. Alluka insisted it was more economic to take a normal flight, also citing that Killua needed to be more social. Killua had no idea how she could always be so peachy after everything they had been through, wishing he could be the same. As his little sister got older, her bubbly personality became strangely familiar to someone he preferred not to think about. It had been five years since he saw Gon last, and the circumstances were far from good when they said goodbye. Killua had spent the following two years ‘moping’ as Alluka called it, trying to lose himself in his work and in protecting Alluka. He attempted multiple times to reach out – write, message, visit – but chickened out every time. Eventually, he forced himself to let it go, certain he put more weight into something that was nothing and more than likely one-sided. As he overlooked the snow-capped mountains below, he felt his face flush and chided himself for still having a reaction at picturing the spiky-haired boy who changed his life.

“Kill? Are you okay?” Alluka gently poked his shoulder. The aisle mate had gone to the restroom it seems, probably to get a break from Alluka.

Killua rested his forehead on the cool glass window. “I hate flying.”

“I know, but we’re almost there. Just an hour more.” She patted his fluffy white hair and pulled out a neck pillow.

Killua wished he could fall asleep but there’s no way he would ever let down his guard in a place stuffed with people.

“Try to think of Leorio and Kurapika getting married. That should cheer you up. Plus, at the wedding you’ll get to see all your old friends, right?” Alluka tied up her long, dark hair before settling into her pillow for the rest of the trip.

Killua jerked his head as if his own lightning had shocked him. Fuck, he hadn’t thought of that. Was _he_ going to be there? Of course, he was. Why wouldn’t he? He was closer to them than Killua was. Unless he was still training in some weird-ass continent. Killua’s heart hammered in his chest. He wondered what Gon looked like after being through puberty. Killua himself had changed quite a bit, his long legs making him about 5’11, and his lean muscles filled out as he trained the past few years. Probably the only things that remained the same was his unruly, ivory hair and his deep-blue cat eyes. Even his baby face had become a bit more chiseled, his jaw sharp. He tried to picture Gon as a 20-year-old but couldn’t. All he saw was a chipper little boy and his obsession with short-shorts. Killua groaned again, and picked up the novel he had brought to distract himself. He’d think about this problem later.

The wedding was only a month away, which was enough time to get Alluka her college things and settle in her dorm. As her legal guardian, Killua was more than happy to help her prepare for college and give her some semblance of a normal life. He had reached out to Bisky, his and Gon’s old trainer, to keep an eye on Alluka as a favor since she was the head of the English department at Yorknew University. Bisky fervently promised she’d be perfectly taken care of, and that was that. Killua’s family had stopped pursuing them long ago, claiming the two last born children were good riddance. Illumi, Killua’s eldest brother, had gotten bored with chasing them around the world and found interest elsewhere, Killua suspected it had something to do with his new boyfriend Hisoka. Whatever it was, he was glad some sort of weight had been lifted from his chest, especially when his parents sent over the documents to pass legal guardianship of Alluka to Killua.

Alluka had never gotten hung up on that, instead being grateful she even had a family member who loved her. She had grown up to be a lovely young woman, often garnering looks from both men and women when out in public. At almost 18, Alluka had come to forgive her family after years of therapy, something Killua insisted was necessary for both of them to cope in the normal world. Killua still visited his therapist once week, finding it hard to sort through the behaviors he had been taught as a child. His therapist encouraged he had made incredible progress, but there were certain events he couldn’t let go of, even after five years.

Currently, they were on their way back from the airport to their apartment in the city, a penthouse overlooking the Financial District. Killua would never get something so showy, but the realtor had been so convincing and desperate for the large commission, Killua thought what the hell. The rent barely made a dent in his bank account, and it was nice to have some luxuries in a city known for grime. Alluka snored softy on the seat beside him, the towncar gliding through the highway onto the island. It was 2 a.m., and the city seemed to breathe in tune with Alluka’s breaths. Killua let his mind drift back to the upcoming wedding, unable to stifle a smile. Two of his best friends were getting married. Finally. It had been a while since everyone was gathered together for such a joyous moment. They were rare these days. He looked over to Alluka and for the millionth time thanked the universe for bringing her to him. He didn’t know where the fuck he would be without her, especially after she picked up the pieces Gon left shattered all those years ago. Even if she hadn’t, he was grateful to have someone to care for, someone who needed him.

The town car dropped them off in front of the lobby as the doorman helped carry their luggage through the doors. They zipped up in the elevator, Killua holding up Alluka as she leaned into him sleepily.

“That was a wonderful vacation,” she murmured as they entered their apartment, kicking off her Doc Martens.

“Yeah, it was.” Killua thanked the doorman as he took the elevator down. 

“Thanks for everything, you.” She ruffled his hair again, stifling a big yawn.

“We needed it, I think.” Killua gave his sister a tight hug and bid her goodnight. He was heading into his room, thought better of it, and pulled out his laptop from his backpack and sat on the long, white couch in the living room.

He opened up Instagram and clicked the search bar, his fingers hovering over the keys, letters he hadn’t dared search up in years.

_Gonlikethewind44_ He typed in the ridiculous username and Gon’s profile pulled up. His last post 5 months ago.

_Of course._ Killua scrolled through the new photos he hadn’t seen from the past few years, mostly of landscapes and food, or random trainers Killua had never heard of. He spent a little more time lingering over the few selfies he found and his face flushed at seeing Gon with stubble and his dark hair tamed. He looked the same but, more like Ging. He smiled in every selfie he had, his teeth gleaming and his bright eyes crinkling. The same old Gon. A rainbow ring was around his profile picture, and Killua clicked it to see the story Gon had posted.

The photo was a selfie of Kurapika and half of Gon’s face, at some bar scene. The location tag read “Industrial district, Yorknew,” 41 minutes ago.

Killua closed the tab and slammed his laptop shut, leaning back into the couch, his face turned to the ceiling. The lit-up skyline hummed behind him through the vast floor-to-ceiling windows. So. His question was answered. He’d more than likely be at the wedding. Which was fine, obviously. Killua was just nervous to see an old friend, is all. He was nervous to see everyone. He ran his hands through his white hair, making strands stick up straight. Killua got up, stretched and seemed to remember it was almost 3 a.m. He shuffled to bed, where he spent the next two hours wide awake.

_He was here._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“You need to tell him, Killua.”  
> Killua’s fingers went numb. “Tell him what?”  
> “What he did to you. That it was unacceptable. The guy’s clueless, he probably doesn’t know it was a dick move.”  
> Killua breathed a sigh of relief and feeling returned to his extremities. “I know. But it’s been years, it doesn’t matter anyway.” He spoke to Leorio’s reflection.  
> “If you still react like this, that means it still bugs you, dumbass.” Leorio moved back to sit down. “You won’t be able to avoid him at the wedding. Just have a talk with him and move on. Easy peasy.”  
> Killua scoffed. “A wedding isn’t really a great place to have a heart-to-heart.”  
> “It’s the perfect place to have a heart-to-heart!” Leorio protested."
> 
> Killua prepares for Leorio's and Kurapika's bachelors' party.

Killua woke up to banging in the kitchen and the faint smell of something burning. His nightstand clock read 12:42 p.m. Dragging himself out of bed, he pulled on some pants over his boxers and shuffled into the kitchen.

“Wow, you’re up early,” Alluka smirked. Her small frame was poised in front of the stove, one hand was covered with a mitten while the other held a pot lid like a shield. Something on the frying pan was popping angrily. Killua was just about to comment on her non-existent cooking skills when the toilet at the far end of the hallway flushed. Killua’s eyes widened, gesturing towards the bathroom.

Alluka seemed apologetic and shrugged as heavy footsteps walked into the kitchen.

“Geez, look at you!” Killua felt a strong arm from behind pull him into a head lock and ruffle his hair aggressively.

Killua spun out of his assailant’s grip and sharpened the nen around his fingers to blades, hand raised. All of this happened in a matter of seconds. The bewildered Leorio shot his hands up in the air, palms facing forward.

“Jesus Christ! You haven’t changed at all, have you?”

Killua evened his breath and lowered his hand, his hair slowly falling over his eyes as they settled back into place.

“What the fuck, man,” Killua let out a breath.

He could see Alluka roll her eyes as she came up behind Leorio.

“What a nice way to greet an old friend after not seeing him for 5 years, huh.” The six-foot-man was dressed up in a dark suit, his sunglasses perched on top of his slicked back hair. He gave Killua a top to bottom stare, shaking his head as he lowered his arms. “I knew you were training but geez, take it easy, will you? If you keep getting bigger, you’ll scare away all of Alluka’s dates.”

Alluka smacked Leorio on his shoulder, laughing. “Killua doesn’t like to hear about my dates!”

Killua narrowed his eyes before nodding at Leorio. “What are you doing here?”

“Be nice, Killua, Jesus. I invited him for lunch. Kurapika is getting fitted for his suit today so Leorio couldn’t be there, obviously.”

Killua seemed to remember all of a sudden. “Oh, right congratulations, man. I’m really happy for you. Who popped the question?”

Alluka invited them to sit at the marble-top island as she went to deal with whatever the hell smelled like burnt shoes.

A big grin creeped up on Leorio’s face, startling Killua. He couldn’t remember seeing the doctor so happy, not even when he passed the hunter exam. A pink tint came over Leorio’s cheekbones as he seemed to recall a happy memory.

“He did, actually.”

“What?!” Killua and Alluka exclaimed simultaneously. She was taking out some glass plates from the cupboard and they rattled as she spun around.

“I know, I was surprised, too,” Leorio laughed. “I had picked out a place and everything, when he beat me to it a week before.”

They had been dating for the past two years, which is quite enough time to get to know someone. Still, Killua thought he would never see Leorio so whipped.

Killua poured them both some cranberry juice. “You’re such a simp,” he laughed.

“Hey!” Leorio shoved him hard. But the blush only deepened.

“Now, I usually have Katherine do the cooking around here, but I don’t think it’s that bad.” Alluka gingerly set down their plates, which contained a weird, limp looking piece of golden chicken and mac & cheese on the side. “It’s chicken piccatta!” Alluka clasped her hands together, her eyes expectant.

Killua and Leorio exchanged glances before digging in. They both went a little pale at the first bite but still Alluka waited for their thumbs-up before joining them. “I miss Katherine,” Killua mumbled low enough for only Leorio to hear. Regardless, he was glad to be back home.

––––––––––––––––––––––––

The weeks flew by and soon enough, the wedding was only four days away. Killua had stayed busy completing jobs his agent passed along his way. Alluka didn’t approve of Killua’s best skills being put to good use, but she knew it was the only way Killua could function properly: by doing what he did best and that happened to be killing. Of course, Killua had his own little code: no children, or persons who weren’t in their right state of mind, and only if there was proof the target was inherently bad. Still, it was one aspect of her brother she could not bring herself to accept and told him as much when he first started this new ‘career’ two years ago. It paid well, was easy and he couldn’t help but feel he was helping clean up the city from evil.

He was currently at a tailor Leorio made him go to, putting the finishing touches on a scarlet suit that was supposed to complement Kurapika’s eyes. All the groomsmen were wearing them, but it still made Killua feel like it made him stick out too much. Leorio sat on a velvet loveseat in the corner, tapping away at his phone.

“Ow,” Killua snapped, pulling his hand away.

“Sorry,” the tailor apologized. “We just have to make sure it’s perfect.”

Killua groaned. “Leorio, isn’t red a little too much? Like, won’t it take the attention away from you and Kurapika?”

“It’s a little too late for complaints, Killua. And no, Kura wanted it this way. He considers you guys his family so it would mean a lot to him.” Leorio didn’t bother looking up from his phone. “Plus, it suits you.”

Killua turned back to the three full-length mirrors facing him. The suit made his skin look paler somehow, but his eyes shone brighter and his hair looked like a translucent halo hovering over his face.

“Gon is gonna like it, that’s for sure.” Leorio was looking at him now, a mischievous grin on his face.

Killua’s face betrayed him, turning almost the same color as his suit. “Why the fuck would I care about what he thinks?”

Leorio went back to his phone. “I’m just saying, in case you were wondering.”

“Well, I wasn’t.”

Leorio shrugged. “I know you’ve been watching Kura’s Instagram stories. How come you haven’t asked me about him being here in the city? It’s been a month.”

Killua kept his eyes trained on the mirrors, focusing on the tailor fumbling near the hem of the pants.

“Why should I care that he’s here.” Leorio gestured to the tailor to leave the room. He walked over to stand behind Killua and placed a hand on his shoulder, locking eyes with him in the mirror. Killua didn’t move a muscle.

“You need to tell him, Killua.”

Killua’s fingers went numb. “Tell him what?”

“What he did to you. That it was unacceptable. The guy’s clueless, he probably doesn’t know it was a dick move.”

Killua breathed a sigh of relief and feeling returned to his extremities. “I know. But it’s been years, it doesn’t matter anyway.” He spoke to Leorio’s reflection.

“If you still react like this, that means it still bugs you, dumbass.” Leorio moved back to sit down. “You won’t be able to avoid him at the wedding. Just have a talk with him and move on. Easy peasy.”

Killua scoffed. “A wedding isn’t really a great place to have a heart-to-heart.”

“It’s the perfect place to have a heart-to-heart!” Leorio protested. “Just think about it, okay? Me and Kura can’t have a great time knowing you’ll be stewing there miserable.”

Killua nodded begrudgingly. “Can I get out of this fucking thing now? It’s so hot.”

––––––––––––––

Leorio had to leave immediately after to finish the final preparations for the bachelors’ party that night. It would be one big party – both for Leorio and Kurapika – since they didn’t really see the sense of ‘celebrating’ being single for the last time. Everyone attending the wedding was expected to be there, which amounted to a little less than 50 people. Killua was actually looking forward to the get-together, craving to let off some steam after being high-strung all these weeks.

Of course, he wanted to ask Kurapika about Gon. He stalked his Instagram Stories like a hawk, but restraining himself took a lot of effort resulting in completing more kill orders than usual the past few days. He saw Gon traipsing across the island bridge, eating world-famous muffins, biking through the Central Park, all through a screen. Killua couldn’t ignore the pang in his chest every time he saw them, thinking “I should be doing it with him.” He chastised himself for even feeling like that, knowing he was too old to be acting this way.

Alluka had noticed the change in his behavior; he was curt with her and didn’t hang around the apartment as much. She didn’t feel the absence as hard though, since she had already moved into her dorm Uptown. She even opted for a roommate, against Killua’s wishes.

“I can’t live my life thinking everyone I meet will kill me,” she had told him.

“How the hell do you think I’ve kept us both alive then?!” Killua had retorted. He had eventually let it go, but not after fully vetting the meek roommate who spoke English as her second language.

Alluka had naturally adapted to her university environment, quickly making friends and immersing in her art classes. At least that was one less thing Killua had to worry about. Still, he missed having his sister around, making jokes and constantly ruffling his hair. He didn’t realize how big and empty the apartment actually was when it was just one person living in it. At the moment, he only had the presence of his housekeeper, Katherine, to keep him company every few days, but she was just as talkative as Killua, so it wasn’t the same.

For tonight, though, Alluka had come over to help him get ready for the party. “If you dress yourself, I will literally tell people that we aren’t related,” she told him over the phone earlier.

“Hey, I have style!” Killua countered when got there, showing her his options laid out on his King-sized bed.

“Sure, you do, you old person.” She rolled her eyes. Alluka herself made sure to look extra nice tonight. Her hair was pulled high up into a sleek ponytail, her fox-eye makeup giving her an elegant look. Her dress was a simple black silk slip, with a leather jacket draped across her shoulders.

“Let’s get you into some nice jeans and your Docs.” She handed him a black and red vintage button-down shirt.

Killua took his time styling his hair in front of the bathroom mirror. _I’ll see him tonight. Will he like what I look like? What will we talk about? What if he ignores me?_

Killua splashed some cold water on his face. He needed to get his act together.

_Fuck it._ He decided tonight was just about having fun and letting loose. He wouldn’t worry about some guy who stomped all over his heart all those years ago. He’s not that weak. He’s a _Zoldyck_ , goddamit.

Killua later emerged from the bathroom with the vintage shirt, dark skinnies and his jewelry glinting off his fingers. “I’m ready.”

Alluka smiled in approval. “Yeah, you are. Now let’s go get fucking wasted!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for having read this far! It means a lot to me and please I welcome feedback xx


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Killua, it’s so nice to see you again!” Gon stuck out a hand, his palm fringed with lovely scars, his veins visible. Killua felt a tug in his gut. He was warmer in greeting Alluka.
> 
> “Yeah, man, nice to see you too,” Killua managed, not taking his hand.
> 
> Gon took it in stride, clapping a hand on his shoulder. The act sent a bolt of electricity through Killua’s body and he quickly shrugged off his hand. He thought he saw a flicker of contempt flit across Gon’s features but it was gone by the time Killua blinked."

Killua kept flexing his fist as they got out of the subway at the East Village. He had tried to convince Alluka they take the town car, but just like last time, she had spouted off something about gas emissions and unnecessary spending so they had ended up taking longer than usual.

“You’re hanging out too much with your socialist college buddies,” Killua grumbled as they walked up the concrete steps into the cool-night air. It was still warm for September, something Killua alluded to global warming. Maybe Alluka was onto something.

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Alluka beamed, her heels clicking against the stone.

The venue was a couple of blocks away, and as they strode amongst the drunken throngs of college students too eager to immerse into the YorkNew lifestyle, Killua’s pores oozed ozone the nearer they got to the place.

“You need to chill out,” Alluka stopped in front of him, placing a hand on his chest before immediately wrenching it away. He hadn’t noticed his skin was vibrating with electricity until Alluka touched him.

“ _Ow!”_ She cradled her palm, glaring at him. “What’s the matter with you?”

Killua’s face flared up in alarm and guilt. “Are you okay? I’m so sorry, Luka, I didn’t mean to.” He took a step back away from her. He immediately forced himself to calm down.

She closed the gap between them, cautiously holding his hand. “It’s okay,” she said softly. “It’ll be fine, I know what you’re worried about. You’re overthinking it, and I won’t leave your side okay? I promise.”

“I’m fine, I don’t need a babysitter,” Killua said stiffly. Alluka only rolled her eyes and continued walking. 

They arrived at the address Kurapika had sent them earlier in the day. They stared into the darkened windows of a barbershop, seemingly empty and devoid of any pre-wedding crowds. The street it was on was ordinary, few people milling about as they walked through the neighborhood.

“What the—”

“I’ve never been to a speakeasy before!” Alluka grinned in excitement. She opened the door to the barbershop – it was unlocked to Killua’s surprise – and waltzed in. Killua followed uncertainly, glancing around the normal-looking salon. The mirrors on the wall showed a tall, pale figure on the verge of jumping out of his skin and a stunning young woman smiling widely.

Alluka made her way to the back of the shop, using her phone flashlight to illuminate the way.

“I think he said three rapid knocks and two slow ones…” Alluka rapped against the metal door.

It swung open to reveal a burly man dressed in all black, a giant gold cross hanging around his neck.

“The only principle…,” he started.

 _Are you kidding me, this is so cheesy even for Kurapika,_ Killua scoffed.

“…is that there are no principles,” Alluka finished.

“Enjoy the party.” The man grinned, opening the door wide to let them through.

Alluka squealed before pulling Killua behind her, the door slamming shut behind them.

Inside was a massive cavern, with high ceilings that were covered in some sort of red carpet that ran all the way down to the floor, giving the illusion the walls were bleeding.

A soft pumping beat pulsated throughout the room where a crowd was dancing in a compressed pocket in the middle of the room. Killua spotted Kurapika’s golden hair first, as he beelined toward them, Leorio in tow.

“Killua! Alluka!” Kurapika embraced them both.

“Y’all are late,” Leorio wagged his finger at Killua.

“Sorry about that,” Alluka chirped. “But we’re here now! Even though it looks like everybody’s already enjoying the party. I didn’t know you’d make such a fuss for just a bachelors’ party, Kurapika!”

Leorio wrapped a hand around Kurapika’s waist, his cheeks rose-tinted, hinting he had wasted no time starting the celebration. Killua scented strong alcohol coming from the usually-composed man and was surprised to feel a pang of annoyance. Maybe because he himself could never get fully drunk. Alcohol was poison after all, and he was immune to most.

“Kurapika’s dramatic when you really get to know him, something I had to find out the fun way.” Leorio winked, causing Kurapika to smack his arm to chide him, slipping out of his grip.

“I’ll go get these kids some drinks,” he laughed, heading towards the bar at the back. Kurapika was gone before Killua had a chance to tell him it’s pointless.

Leorio only shrugged, swaying unsteadily on his feet. He never could hold his liquor, despite his boastful proclamations as teens.

“You need to chill out, _Mister_ Leorio.” Alluka snaked an arm through his elbow, leading him to the area full of couches at the edge of the cavern. “I’ll be right back, Kill. Go say hi to your friends.”

“I told you, I don’t need a goddamn babysitter,” Killua retorted before slinking back, trying to blend into the wall as he was left alone. He tried and failed to keep his eyes from scanning the unruly crowd for a certain green-tinged head of hair. He saw Knuckle and Palm, and a few other old acquaintances from his childhood days. Still, he stayed where he was, scared if he moved, he might upset the balance of the blissful atmosphere the party had created.

“Looking for Gon?” Kurapika was back, with two glass cups in his hands. “He’s not here yet.”

Killua couldn’t contain his surprise. “That’s odd.” Gon’s never late. He sipped on the cocktail, immediately grimacing at the taste. Too sweet.

“Yeah, apparently his date had some sort of subway trouble so he had to go pick her up personally.”

Ever since he was trained to endure torture as a young child, there were many things other people found unbearable that Killua easily tolerated. Other than poison, there was electrocution, waterboarding, knife-play, starvation, and the list goes on and on. He had wondered if there would ever be a limit to how much pain he could physically take before he cracked.

He thought what he felt now was pretty damn close.

Kurapika didn’t notice the look on Killua’s face as he waved at some friend across the room. When he turned back, his face lit up in alarm.

“Killua, god, you’re bleeding.”

As if from a third person point of view, Killua watched himself glance down at the cup he was holding a moment ago, now non-existent. Glass shards were embedded into his palm, sticky pink juice running down his fingers, ruining his new sleeve. Alluka would kill him.

Kurapika fussed over him, grabbing some napkins from a nearby table and picking out the pieces carefully. This type of pain, too, he could tolerate.

Killua heard himself apologizing over and over, not really registering what Kurapika was muttering about. As if on cue, he heard the burly man from earlier declare “Enjoy the party.”

Killua turned around just in time to see Gon walk in, hand in hand with Alluka’s roommate.

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

His Instagram pictures didn’t do him justice. Killua kept mentally kicking himself for staring, but he couldn’t look away. Gon towered over almost everyone. He wore tan slacks, a billowy white shirt and hair carefully gelled back. Alluka’s roommate – Killua couldn’t even remember her name – wore a simple ankle-length lilac dress, her hair buzzed short. The first people the couple spotted was Alluka and Leorio by the velvet couches, sauntering over to them. Gon was taller than even Leorio, and Alluka was squealing along with her roommate, peppering her with a million questions and accusatory glances.

He saw them all embrace and start chattering, when Kurapika pulled Killua from his uninjured hand and started walking towards them. Killua could do nothing but let himself be dragged.

“I can’t believe you never told me!” Alluka was prodding a finger in her roommate’s chest. “All those nights and this is who you were with?” The roommate only blushed.

Killua coughed violently at hearing “all those nights.” Gon finally turned to him and Killua held his breath. Would he be surprised? Shocked? Elated?

Nothing. Gon just smiled politely, as if he was simply opening a door to let an old lady enter the grocery store. Killua was wrong, this was not the usual Gon. A memory of Gon bear-hugging him back when they were kids whenever they greeted each other flitted across his mind, as did the ubiquitous “ _Killuaaaa!”_ that accompanied it.

Well, what did he expect? They weren’t 14 anymore.

“Killua, it’s so nice to see you again!” Gon stuck out a hand, his palm fringed with lovely scars, his veins visible. Killua felt a tug in his gut. He was warmer in greeting Alluka.

“Yeah, man, nice to see you too,” Killua managed, not taking his hand.

Gon took it in stride, clapping a hand on his shoulder. The act sent a bolt of electricity through Killua’s body and he quickly shrugged off his hand. He thought he saw a flicker of contempt flit across Gon’s features but it was gone by the time Killua blinked.

“This is Jenny, but I’m sure you knew that already, Killua.” Gon introduced his date to the engaged couple as they interrogated her on how they met.

Killua didn’t correct him, and half-listened to some boring story of them meeting at the park during a yoga session.

Killua needed to get out of here.

“Come on, let’s all of have a drink to celebrate this reunion!” Leorio jerked his glass to the ceiling, sloshing some of his drink on his shirt. Kurapika only sighed, chiding Leorio to be careful. Alluka and Jenny chatted animatedly as they all walked to the bar. Killua hung back, his palm stinging from earlier. He saw the roommate slip her fingers through Gon’s as they walked and Killua let out a laugh. It was only fitting. Why did he ever think he was even worth a square inch of being in Gon’s mind rent-free? He obviously had other things in mind. Back when they were kids, Gon did say he had gone on many dates with women. Did he think Gon would just change his preference eventually?

What a fool he’d been.

They all sat on the bar stools, the beat changing into something more upbeat. Alluka pulled Jenny to the dance floor, leaving the men at the bar.

“She’s quite something, not gonna lie,” Kurapika jut his chin out at Jenny gyrating on Alluka.

Killua peered at Gon from the corner of his eye. He physically felt the tendons in his chest become taut as a smile slowly formed on Gon’s lips. “Yeah, she’s really nice.”

Killua needed to get out of here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! The reunion was a bit harder to write in trying to think how Gon would act, but there's some *combustive* emotions in the next chapter that I hope will make up for it. xx


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Gon’s thigh brushed against his and he immediately leapt out of the swing, leaving a stunned Gon sitting.  
> “Did I do something wrong, Killua?” His eyes were soft, an undertone of amber lighting the dark brown of his irises. It hurt Killua to look at them so he turned away.  
> “No no, I just–– needed to stretch my legs.” Yes, you did something wrong! He wanted to scream. You left me!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a little more rushed because I couldn't wait to write about them meeting again. Please let me know if there are more tags I should use regarding trigger warnings. There's a brief confrontation but nothing too serious or anything. And possibly non-con? Lemme know!

“I can’t get drunk, dumbass.” Killua was trying to shoo away Leorio, who had followed him out into a small courtyard at the back of the building. He was shoving a beer bottle into Killua’s face, blabbering about being a good groomsman.

Killua hated when he got like this. All he wanted was some fresh air and to get away from that goddamn constricting speakeasy filled with people he didn’t want to see. So much for letting off steam tonight.

The air was cool against his skin, mellowing out the heat he felt throughout his body. The courtyard was small, enough for an intimate get-together if need be, and fenced in with some five-foot-tall hedges wrapping around the perimeter. A swing and some iron tables were off to one side, the lush grass breaking through the cobblestone ground. It felt like a much-needed pocket of nature within this concrete labyrinth of a city he now called home. They were sitting on one of the wooden swings and Leorio was muttering half-coherent sentences on how good Kurapika was at baking as Killua pretended to listen.

He didn’t imagine his night going like this. “Don’t you have to be somewhere? Like, with your future husband?” Killua cut off Leorio who was in the middle of telling a pumpernickel story.

He heard the heavy iron door behind them creak open, and gauged Leorio’s reaction.

“Hey, guys, what are you doing?” Gon’s voice drifted out to them, a song Killua so desperately had wanted to hear for months all those years ago.

Leorio tried to ruffle Killua’s hair as he stood up, missing completely and grabbing for the air.

“I think Knuckle wanted to talk to me about somethin’,” he slurred. “I’ll catch you guys later.” He winked so conspicuously at Killua before leaving, Killua wanted the cobblestones to swallow him up.

The door shut behind Leorio, leaving the two of them looking at each other awkwardly. Killua was the first to break eye contact, leaning back into the wooden swing and staring upwards. Stars weren’t visible at night here in the city, but Killua imagined them anyway, picturing them like exit wounds on a dark canvas.

“Can I sit?”

“It’s a free country, last I heard.” Killua stretched his arms behind him, cradling his head. He felt the swing move a bit as Gon sat gingerly beside him. The swing only fit two, so he could feel Gon’s warmth as the spiky-haired man settled in. He ignored the way his pores were unconsciously starting to exhale ozone and kept looking at the sky.

“You don’t seem happy to see me again.” Gon didn’t pose it as a question, but stated a simple fact. His eyes were trained on the ground.

Killua played dumb. “What do you mean? We haven’t been friends in a while.”

Killua didn’t expect for Gon to react the way he did, whipping his head to face him, his features contorted in not anger, but more like displeasure.

“We will _always_ be friends, Killua.” Gon had balled up his fists, his dark eyes poring through him. Killua’s breath hitched, caught off guard by the suddenness of this emotional reaction.

Gon quickly looked away, mumbling an apology. Killua was still dumbfounded by the reaction but his face gave nothing away. Gon’s thigh brushed against his and he immediately leapt out of the swing, leaving a stunned Gon sitting.

“Did I do something wrong, Killua?” His eyes were soft, an undertone of amber lighting the dark brown of his irises. It hurt Killua to look at them so he turned away.

“No no, I just–– needed to stretch my legs.” _Yes, you did something wrong!_ He wanted to scream. _You left me!_

“You’re acting weird. I just wanted to talk to you, catch up. You didn’t seem talkative in there.” Gon gestured to the room behind them, muffled shrieks of laughter and a thumping bass reverberating through the door.

“So you just decided to ditch your girlfriend?” Killua tried to keep the bitterness from his voice, but they dripped from his lips anyway.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Gon answered instantly. “She’s just my date.”

Killua looked at him then, shoving his hands in his pockets so Gon wouldn’t see the way they were shaking.

“‘All those nights?’” Killua quoted.

A lovely crimson shade creeped across Gon’s cheekbones. “That’s––it’s not what you think.”

“Right.”

“No, really, we just hung out at the park, talking. She’s a really good listener.”

“Sure.” Killua didn’t point out it’s probably because speaking English isn’t the roommate’s forte.

“I swear. I just invited her as a friend.”

“Okay, Gon.”

“Wait, why do you care anyway?” Gon stood up then, his own fists seeming to vibrate a little. “Up until now, you haven’t even spoken to me in five years! If I hadn’t come out here, it would probably have been another five!”

“ _Me?_ You’re the one who up and left! Gallivanting about the world like you’re fucking Gulliver’s travels!” 

Gon was starting to turn a shade closer to Killua’s groomsman suit. “What was I supposed to do? Wait around for you to forgive your family? Or _not_ forgive your family? Your insane brother was hunting us down!” They were yelling now.

“Oh, so it’s my fault!”

“No!” Gon pressed the heels of his hands into his eye sockets. “Why do you always do this, Killua? Make it about you! I was a good friend to you, even when you pushed me away.”

“You chose to die!” Killua’s throat shrieked hoarsely, the scream echoing off the nearby buildings.

Gon stood rooted in front of him, all the fight leaving his body, his fists going limp.

“You chose to die rather than live and be with me.” Killua felt hot tears springing into his eyes. He didn’t stop. “You couldn’t see anything worth living past your own nasty revenge. And I’m done making excuses for you. You said you’re a friend who’d always be there, but you didn’t think about me when you made the decision to leave me here. Alone.”

He turned away, not being able to stand the blank look on Gon’s face. A tightness bloomed in his chest, and he wondered if he wasn’t immune to panic attacks after all.

Killua’s hair was fully standing on end now, his fingers sparking.

“You need to leave. That’s what you’re good at anyway.” His eyes were leaking. How embarrassing. A soft, white glow enveloped him as he tried to control the electricity rolling off his body in waves.

He saw Gon reach out with a hand, but Killua pulled back.

“Don’t. You’ll get hurt.” Killua sniffled. What a fucking embarrassment. He came to have fun and forget the torture he had been going through, and wound up crumbling right before the very eyes of the last person he wanted to witness this.

Finally, after calming down and reeling back the electricity, Killua started to walk away. He then felt Gon’s warm fingers wrap around his wrist, stopping him in his tracks.

“Wait––” Gon started.

But Killua didn’t let him finish. He spun around and crashed his lips against Gon’s, his hands desperately gripping Gon’s ridiculous shirt. The first word that popped into Killua’s head was _sunlight._ Warm, bright, causing stars to burst behind his eyes. It lasted a few seconds before Killua forced some sense back into his wired-up brain and shoved Gon off him. He didn’t say anything, a part of him craving to see Gon’s reaction.

The seconds seemed to last forever, Killua standing with his chest heaving and Gon rooted in place with his lips slightly parted. Killua waited in agony, the noises of the party drifting to them as some sort of buffer.

Finally: “Oh.”

_Oh._

Something snapped inside Killua then, piercing the balloon of elation that had filled up when he pressed Gon’s warm lips against his.

_Oh._

“I didn’t…” Gon continued, but Killua saved him from the mortification of having to reject him.

“Sorry. I was fucked up on something Leorio probably gave me. Don’t worry about it.” Killua waved his hand as if a swatting a gnat out of the air.

_Really? ‘Oh’? That’s all the famous hunter could manage?_

“Killua…”

“Can you _stop_ saying my name like that? Seriously, it’s annoying.” Killua walked briskly to the door leading back to the party.

“Shouldn’t we talk about this?” Gon called softly after him.

“Just– _just_ – forget I said or did anything, all right? I apologize.” Killua had his back to him. “See you tomorrow.”

Killua swung open the door to be engulfed in a revelry that had obviously been taken up quite a few notches since he left what felt like a century ago.

He let the door behind him close with a bang, leaving Gon alone in the cold courtyard.

But that word. That word would not be scrubbed clean from his brain for the rest of the night.

_Oh._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading. I didn't do a lick of editing lmfao but I was too excited to publish this. Tomorrow is the wedding!! Whoop! Let's see how Killua handles this.  
> Edit: I erroneously said tomorrow is the wedding but forgot I had mentioned it was a few days away haha. Either way the next chapter is a bit ~ spicy ~


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“I don’t expect you to forgive me. Me being a kid back then was not an excuse to how I acted. You were already an inextricable part of my life and…I took advantage of that.” Gon was now the one avoiding eye contact, his knuckles white against the porcelain cup.  
> Killua took it as a chance to truly study him. Gon’s tanned skin sang against his blanched shirt, his hair that was gelled so meticulously now sporting loose strands caressing his ears. Killua felt his blush deepen." 
> 
> Killua and Gon finally have 'the talk.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh! Sorry, I know I said last chapter that this would be the wedding but I forgot it was still a few days away lmfao. I also wanted to mention the way this is going, I might write smut for the next chapter so be warned. If you find this uncomfortable, please feel free to skip the next chapter and move on to Chapter 7 once I post it. I'm not sure if I should include the tags even though I'll post a warning and it's not necessary to read it to understand the whole plot of the story.

The subway ride back to the apartment was miserable, made even more so that Killua didn’t have the comfort or the privacy of his town car. He cursed Alluka under his breath as he sat on the neon orange plastic seat, wiping a sticky hand on his jeans. He should’ve known better than to touch anything in here. The car was mostly empty, save for a few drunk partiers who were making their way back to whatever dingy apartment they lived in across the island.

Killua leaned his head back against the glass window, replaying the events of the night. He brushed a finger over his lips, reliving the moment he ruined his most cherished friendship forever. How was he supposed to show his face at the wedding? Standing beside Gon, no less? He pulled out his phone, rereading the texts he sent before ditching the party without saying goodbye.

**To Alluka:**

_Killua: Hey, I’m feeling fucked up. Gonna head back to the apartment and call it a night._

_Alluka: What?! Where are you? I’ll come with you_

_Killua: No, stay I’m fine. Just need to rest. Had too much to drink I guess_

_Alluka: you know that’s bullshit. Lemme come with_

_Killua: seriously just need to be alone rn. I’ll send the car for u and Jenny. Don’t want you taking the subway so late at night. Lemme know when ur ready and I’ll send Randy_

_Alluka: Ugh, kay. See u tomorrow. Call me if anything xx_

**To Kurapika:**

_Killua: Hey man sorry I had to leave don’t feel well. think it’s the shawarma I ate for dinner_

_Kurapika: Ah shit could this have something to do with that talk with Gon you had?_

_Killua: fuck did Leorio say something? He’s drunk you know don’t listen to him_

_Kurapika: No, Gon’s here sitting in a corner looking like someone told him Greed island isn’t real after all_

_Killua: idk what that’s suppose to mean but no, it has nothing to do with him just some bad lamb_

_Kurapika: sure. Well I hope you ‘feel better’ by 3 p.m. Monday_

_Killua: I’ll be there don’t worry_

_Kurapika: you better_

Being underground exacerbated his anxiety, which had started to pool and spill over his entire body. He had done a stupid thing. A really, really, stupid thing. Killua vowed to himself he’d just confront Gon when he saw him again and apologize for his behavior, call it a day. Then, probably book a one-way ticket back to the Southern Continent for the remainder of his pathetic life. He couldn’t leave Alluka though, so that would prove a problem.

_Fuck me._

For tonight, all Killua wanted to do was crawl into bed and be miserable in peace. Sit through the achingly romantic ambience of a wedding he forgot was a few days away, then move on with his life. He’d done it before, he could do it again. He got off at his stop, making his way up the concrete stairs. He closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh, basking in the sweet freedom of being aboveground once again.

When he opened them, something in his heart lurched forward, like a train coming to a sudden stop. Gon was leaning against the neon-lit bus stop in front of him. He’d been waiting.

“Please don’t run, I just wanna talk,” Gon blurted, his hands in his pockets giving off an aura of feigned composure.

Killua didn’t respond.

“Alluka told me your stop, I hope that’s all right.” The light from the nearby convenience stores lit up Gon’s silhouette, giving the impression of an angel or assassin come to claim its’ owed debt.

Still, Killua remained unresponsive.

“ _Please.”_

Gon’s plea finally kicked Killua’s body into gear.

“I know a place that’s open right now.” He spun on his heel and didn’t look back to see if Gon was following. He knew he would be.

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

The place was where he and Alluka had had breakfast their first day in YorkNew. The diner was open 24/7, and only had about four booths, becoming cramped if you came during brunch rush. An old couple owned it, and the old man had become quite close to Killua and Alluka, as they became regulars since living in the city. Currently, he and Gon were the only ones there, which made sense since it was almost 2 a.m. The yellow overhead lights were casting a cozy glow over the red-clad joint; they said nothing as the man placed two hot coffees in front of them. Killua muttered a ‘thank you’ as Gon dumped a sack’s worth of cream and sugar into his, stirring it noisily with a spoon.

“This place is nice.” Gon’s amber eyes roamed around the tiny dining area, his hands cupping the warm mug.

Killua remembered Gon describing Jenny the same way, _nice,_ and felt a pang of annoyance.

“So, what do you want?” So much for him apologizing to Gon.

“Right.” Gon took a deep breath.

Killua held his own in anticipation, staring at the newspaper-covered walls, the edge-chipped table in front of them, his eyes on anything but Gon’s. He could feel the now-familiar blush making its way up his neck and lifted up his collar in an attempt to hide it.

“I’m sorry.”

Killua’s hand froze, his mug halfway enroute to his mouth.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me. Me being a kid back then was not an excuse for how I acted. You were already an inextricable part of my life and…I took advantage of that.” Gon was now the one avoiding eye contact, his knuckles white against the porcelain cup.

Killua took it as a chance to truly study him. Gon’s tanned skin sang against his blanched shirt, his hair that was gelled so meticulously now sporting loose strands caressing his ears. Killua felt his blush deepen.

“I…I lost my mind back then. I knew it immediately after, but I never realized how selfish I was for what I did.” Gon’s eyes now locked with his. “I knew you loved me, or at least I was aware of what we meant to each other, and the power it gave me drove me to abuse it. You gave and gave and I took everything I could from you, simply because I knew you would let me. And then I fucked up.”

This was the first time Killua had heard Gon curse. He saw a single tear spill over Gon’s left cheek and that’s when he realized he himself was crying. The edge of the table was speckled with tear drops, but he didn’t wipe them away.

“What happened tonight––”

“No, Gon, I’m s––”

“No, let me finish. The reason I reacted that way was because I didn’t know that’s how you felt. Or at least, I never noticed.” Gon looked at the wall, his own face going crimson. “I’ve only ever known you as my best friend, and I’ve never had any other close friendships to compare it to.”

Killua flinched at the word “friend,” but said nothing. He’d suspected as much.

“I’ve been on a few dates here and there…both men and women. But they’ve never been anything serious and we didn’t have anything in common.”

Killua sat up, felt his lightning stir underneath his palms, his eyes were dry now. Gon still wouldn’t look at him. Both their coffees had gone cold by now for sure.

“After you kissed me, I was mostly confused but…it made me start to think.” Gon looked at him now. “What it would be like.”

Killua swallowed hard. “You mean––,”

“I don’t know what I mean,” Gon let out a light laugh, and Killua thought it was the most melodic note he had ever heard. “But I’m not _not_ imagining it.”

“Gon, I don’t want you to feel pressured because of how I feel. What I did was wrong I was just so desperate and I wasn’t….thinking.” He finished.

“No, I’m glad you did. I would’ve preferred you talk to me than show me first but, I was caught off guard is all.” Gon looked down as his lap. “You’re a very attractive man, after all, and being kissed like that was…an experience to say the least.”

Killua felt something below his navel flutter in response. “What are we gonna do?”

Gon looked uncertain. “Well, that’s up to you. Maybe you kissed me out of something you felt, but I don’t know if you even want anything to do with me after what I did to you.”

It was Killua’s turn to laugh. “I wouldn’t have kissed you if I didn’t want to do it all the time, idiot.” He scratched the back of his neck. “And you’ve already apologized, but honestly…I think I would have wanted to be with you even if you hadn’t.”

Gon’s eyes turned soft, liquid cinnamon.

“Plus, I don’t know if you even feel the same way. I want to be with you, like, all the time. And I don’t know if that’s what you want.” Killua rested his hands on his lap. “You yourself just said you’ve only ever seen me as a friend.”

“I did,” Gon replied, his voice dipping an octave. “But I think I’m willing to give it a try if you are.”

Killua’s heart swelled. “Are you sure?”

“Well, I really want to kiss you right now. So yeah, I think I’m pretty sure.”

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Killua paid for the untouched coffees and waved bye to the old man as they left the diner. It was almost 3 a.m., and though the streets weren’t empty, they had a quiet reverence to them as Gon and Killua walked briskly to his apartment.

“Wow, you live in this neighborhood? You’re really putting your Hunter license to good use,” Gon smirked.

“Shut up, dumbass, this was the only area that didn’t have that much police and ambulances blaring all hours of the night.”

“Uh-huh.”

Killua shook his head as they arrived at his building.

“A doorman, too?” Gon’s eyebrows shot up in hyperbolic amazement.

“'Night, Mr. Vox. Can you send Randy over to pick up Alluka and drop her at her dorm? I’ll send him the address.”

“Goodnight, sir, of course. Right away.” The doorman bowed before fetching his walkie talkie.

“Oh, so you’re rich-rich.”

“Keep it up and you won’t get to see my penthouse.” Killua retorted as they hopped into the elevator.

The apartment was on the 15th floor, so it was quite a way up. Gon had his back pressed against the back of the elevator, his eyes alert.

“Don’t worry, I won’t ambush kiss you again.”

Gon’s cheekbones glowed pink. “It’s not that…ever since the World Tree I’ve been kind of terrified of heights.”

“Seriously, dude? Aren’t you supposed to be this badass famous Hunter?”

“Says the one who couldn’t admit they liked me.”

“Touché.”

The elevator doors opened up to reveal the vast foyer that lead to the minimalistic living room. Gon let out a low whistle, rushing over to the massive windows at the front of the apartment.

“You can see the park from here.” Gon’s eyes were practically glued to the window, his hands pressing against the glass. _I thought he was scared of heights?_ Killua shook his head. 

Killua followed and stood beside him, a few inches back. He studied the sharp curve of Gon’s jaw, the soft shell of his ear, and the fluttery feeling below his stomach returned in earnest.

“I love you.” It was out before Killua had a chance to stuff the words back in. A gravelly whisper, said too fast as if it was one-word, breathless: _iloveyou_

But it was too late. Gon had heard. 

“I love you too, Killua!” Gon’s eyes were bright, his smile all teeth. And Killua realized Gon was being Gon again.

“No, you idiot, I’m _in love with you._ Always have been, I think. God, why you gotta make things so embarrassing.” Killua flopped over on the couch and flung an arm over his eyes.

He heard Gon’s footsteps come over then dissipate as they walked over the shag carpet.

“Oh,” was all Gon said.

“ _Oh._ There you go with that word again.” Killua let out a noise of exasperation.

“Why are you always judging the way I say things?” Gon sat down beside him. “Just like when you said to stop saying your name ‘ _that way.’_ I never know what you mean!”

“Oh that, I only meant that it was making it harder for me not to kiss you again. You say it so lovely.” Killua blushed again. “God, why you make me keep saying these things? I need a drink.”

He got up from the couch and padded to the kitchen but it seems Alluka had taken all the liquor to the party. Wouldn’t have helped, anyway, but still the warm burn of whiskey would not be unwelcome right now.

“Just…just give me a chance to catch up, Kill. I’ve only known about this for like three hours.”

Killua slugged some water instead. “That’s fair. Just forget I said anything then.”

“It’s not that easy. You said a lot.” Gon lifted a finger accusingly.

Killua threw up his hands in frustration. “Well, what do you want me to do?”

Gon followed him to the kitchen.

“Well, how about this.”

He walked up close to Killua, who was leaning against the counter. Killua felt paralyzed, the water in his hand forgotten. Gon got even closer, looking down on Killua’s white, featherlike hair. He placed a palm against the cupboard above Killua’s head and the other on the counter’s ledge behind him. Killua wondered if this was what it felt like to be drunk. Powerless but too intoxicated to do anything, too _good._

He could see tanned skin peaking from beneath Gon’s billowy shirt, and something stirred somewhere below. Gon gingerly gripped Killua’s chin between his fingers and slowly tilted it up so their eyes met. He was so close now Killua could feel his breath on his lips.

“Maybe we can start here.” Gon closed the gap and all Killua felt was bliss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading this far! I hope if I didn't at least quell your expectations, it was still fluffy enough for your tastes. As mentioned before, the next chapter will more than likely be some vanilla smut so please feel free to skip if you feel uncomfortable.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before Killua had a chance to respond, Gon pulled him into his chest, his muscled arms wrapping around the broad of Killua’s back, breathing in the scent of his sweat and pleasure. Killua’s hands were crushed against his chest and Gon’s but he didn’t dare move an inch. He wanted to be even closer to Gon, an impossibility that left him teary with frustration. Killua wanted to open up Gon and climb into his skin, cocooning into his warm being, never resurfacing—letting everything that was light and good and Gon erase the darkness and dread that seemed to engulf him every day. He pushed against the man holding him, pressing his check onto the warm chest, a feeble attempt to become one, become whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for waiting! So sorry it took me a whole week to update, unfortunately a member of my family passed due to the virus and this whole week was just crazy. I wrote this piece as more of a distraction than anything else, but as mentioned before this piece is all smut, so if you're not comfortable with that feel free to check back at the end of the week for continuation of the plot.

His hand was burning hot as it laid in Gon’s grasp, which was currently leading him to his bedroom at the far end of the apartment. Killua’s mind felt cottony, his thoughts a fog with spliced images of Gon’s lips flashing through like a flipbook. He hadn’t replied when Gon asked him softly if he wanted to go to the bedroom, a quick nod the only response he could muster. He gestured to the general direction of his room, letting Gon lead the way. _Why wasn’t he saying anything? What the fuck was wrong with him?_

Gon walked steadily ahead, glancing back once to check on Killua, who still seemed stuck in a time loop he would never be able to escape.

“You okay, bud?”

Again, Killua could only nod. His ears roared louder the closer they got to his room and finally seemed to burst when they crossed the threshold into his private space, a place he never thought he’d share with anyone.

“Kill, we don’t have to do anything, you know.” Gon let go his hand gingerly and stood to one side. He suddenly seemed embarrassed and Killua’s heart swelled again.

“No,” Killua choked out. “I mean, I want to.”

“You don’t seem like you do. We can just talk.”

“No,” Killua responded too quickly. _I’ve been dreaming about this forever, I won’t let myself fuck it up._

“I just…I’ve never…” Killua’s cheekbones flooded scarlet, his eyes avoiding the bed. He remembered Gon saying he’d dated a bunch of men and women before. _That had to have meant he wasn’t a virgin, right?_

“Oh. Really? Looking at you, I’d think…okay well. It’s okay. We’ll take it slow.” Gon smiled brightly again, sitting on the edge of the bed and reaching out a hand. Killua thought he would collapse in on himself right then and there in a babbling heap. Instead, he nodded and took Gon’s soft hand and sat beside him.

“Is it okay if I hug you?” Gon asked softly. “I haven’t hugged my best friend in a while.”

“Yeah, I mean, if you really want to.” Killua mumbled, but his chest began heaving slightly.

He closed his eyes because he simply could not bear to look at Gon’s face right now. It would make him want to break something. Or cry. Or kiss him again.

He felt Gon’s arms wrap slowly around his frame, pulling him close to his chest, tucking his head underneath Gon’s chin. Killua let out a noise like a wounded animal but otherwise remained frozen.

“This is nice, isn’t it?” Gon whispered.

Killua nodded imperceptibly. He felt the heat of Gon’s chest on his cheek through the thin fabric of his shirt. His arms hung limply as Gon pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

“I didn’t realize how much I’ve been wanting to do this till just now.” Gon hummed. “All this while you’ve been waiting for me, and I didn’t realize you were what was missing.”

Killua sucked in a breath through his teeth, snaking his arms around Gon’s waist, squeezing hard.

“Ouch, you’re still pretty strong, you know.” Gon laughed.

“Sorry,” Killua mumbled, loosening his grip.

“No, I like it.” Gon’s voice became huskier, and Killua pulled back a bit to look up at him and what he saw tightened a knot of arousal in his groin.

Gon’s eyes were not bright anymore, but a deep smoldering bronze. Heavy-lidded, his eyes bore into Killua’s, and Killua noticed Gon’s chest rise quickly up and down in time with his breaths.

“Can I please kiss you, Killua?” Gon seemed like he was in pain as he said this, a vein in his neck straining.

Killua felt his cock twitch twitch in his pants before huffing out a breathless yes, milliseconds before Gon crashed against his lips, all teeth gnashing – desperate, wet and _so good._

He barely had a chance to catch his breath with Gon consuming him. Gon’s hands were everywhere, clawing at the nape of his neck, wrapped around his bicep, thrumming up his thigh. Killua’s brain could barely compute what was happening. He dick was rock-hard already, painfully so. _Gon was touching him. Gon_ was touching _him._ This was all Gon ever was: all-consuming. He never did things half-assed, and the way he was devouring Killua was proof enough. However, Gon never went more than a little higher up Killua’s thigh. He never went under his shirt, or prodded at his pants. Killua felt something like a twinge of annoyance at this, wanting _more more more_ before realizing that that wasn’t the signal he had given Gon when first entering the bedroom. He forcefully pulled back from Gon’s lips, his own swollen and throbbing. Gon was sucking in deep breaths as if he had been underwater for many long minutes, looking perplexed, a little confused as to why Killua would interrupt such award-winning making out.

“I want you,” Killua gasped out, trying to even his breath. “Like, _I want you._ Now.”

“Killua, are you sure? I haven’t been with someone like…” Gon didn’t know how to phrase Killua’s inexperience. “Like you, in a while. I don’t wanna do something wrong for your first time.”

Killua let out a laugh. As if Gon could ever do anything wrong to Killua’s body. Gon could kick him in the ribs, and he’d probably thank him.

“I’m sure. I have to––I just can’t, I _need_ you to––” Killua was scrambling, too high from Gon’s tongue to form any words on his own.

“Okay, okay, shh.” Gon wrapped his arms around him again. “Okay, how about you lay down there and let me take care of you, okay?”

Killua dumbly nodded, scooting back onto the middle of the bed, his back hitting the headboard. He was suddenly nervous, not knowing what to do with his hands. He felt too fully clothed, his length straining against his jeans. He glanced at Gon’s own tented pants and felt his mouth go dry. Gon climbed into the bed, placing himself between Killua’s knees and a hand on either side of Killua’s ribs. Killua watched Gon hover over him, bend down to kiss him gently – far different than what he was kissing him like moments ago.

“Can you get rid of these for me?” Gon said evenly, pulling back to kneel in front of Killua’s form.

“Oh yeah, sure,” Killua stammered, his whole face on fire. He sat up, quickly discarded his jeans and shirt, leaving him in his black boxer-briefs. He leaned back against the headboard, his hands on his stomach. Gon’s pupils were blown, his face impassive at seeing Killua so bare. Killua had never seen him like this before, except when he was trained on a target in a fight. It made Killua’s groin ache painfully knowing he was the cause of Gon looking so hungry.

“You are so beautiful, Killua,” Gon growled his name and Killua thought he would come right then and there.

Gon pulled up his own shirt over his head and threw it on the floor. Killua’s mouth went slack at the ridges and scars lining up Gon’s ribs. He suddenly had an urge to lick every single one of them. _What the fuck is wrong with me?!_

Gon hovered over his body once again, dipping his head to place a kiss on Killua’s neck. Killua practically mewled at the contact, his hands locking onto Gon’s dark hair.

“I like when you do that,” Gon breathed in his ear. “Can you do it again, Killua?” Gon licked a spot behind his ear for good measure. Killua yipped again, and it was all the encouragement Gon needed to pull back and start kissing south, leaving a trail of sloppy kisses down Killua’s stomach. Killua choked out a sob at Gon palming his hardness over the fabric.

“ _Please,”_ he sobbed.

“Want do you want me to do, Kill?” Gon kept sucking the inside of his thigh, causing stars to bloom underneath Killua’s eyelids. “Just tell me, and I’ll do it. I want to make you feel good.”

Killua couldn’t string a coherent sentence together if he tried, but managed to croak out a few syllables.

“ _Your mouth–please—"_

Gon obeyed, wasted no time pulling down the dark fabric and taking Killua into his mouth. Killua’s gasp almost made Gon come undone, but he forced his mouth to take all of Killua in, emitting more lovely mewls and little moans.

Killua looked down at the magnificent sight between his legs and couldn’t help thinking about all the times he used this exact image to jerk off to when he was feeling extra lonely in the nights.

In all his fantasies, it was always Gon. They started out as other people, but they always ended up as his best friend. Just like this. Bobbing between his legs, his dilated eyes trained on Killua’s. Killua arched his back, his face to the ceiling. Gon stared at the lovely spot between his collarbone as his tongue lapped up Killua.

“ _Fuck.”_ Killua was mumbling a string of curses as Gon picked up the pace, creating a sloppy wet sound that had Gon’s own cock twitching to be touched.

Killua’s fingers fisted onto the sheets, his white hair plastered to his forehead with sweat. He canted his hips upward, lifting them off the bed, but Gon splayed his hand across his stomach, pushing him back onto the mattress. The pressure alone sent Killua into a panic, his body tensing to react in attack mode. He whipped his head forward, watching Gon take him in steadily. Killua forced himself to calm down, his natural instinct of wanting to find an escape route quelling from burning fire to simmering embers.

He looked back down at Gon deep-throating his cock and felt the knot in his stomach snap.

_“Gon, I’m gonna come.”_

There was a searing hot release as cum hit the back of his throat, Gon took everything Killua gave him. Killua’s legs jerked, a moan ripping out of his throat as Gon pulled off with a _pop._

Gon wiped his mouth before crawling up to lie beside Killua. Killua’s eyes were trained on the ceiling, his heart pounding in his ears.

“I want to make you make that sound again. Is that weird?” Gon propped up his elbow, resting his head on his palm as he looked down at the sweat-drenched Killua.

Killua only shook his head, his mind reeling that this had just happened. It wasn’t one of his fantasies. _Gon getting him off was real._

“I didn’t know you could do that,” his voice came out raw.

“Well, I’m full of surprises. I can’t wait to show them all to you. Would that be okay?” Gon grinned, bending down to lay a kiss on Killua’s forehead.

Killua’s blush deepened at Gon’s words, if that were even possible. He already felt his entire body was on fire, his skin pulled taut across his muscles. At any moment, he felt he would break, like a rubber band pulled too tightly in opposite directions.

“I like that I can make you feel good,” Gon hummed. He lied back down on the mattress, closing his eyes. Killua slowly came back to his senses, realizing with hindsight embarrassment that the tent in Gon’s pants still stood at attention.

“It’s my turn to make you feel good.” Killua’s voice still sounded broken, as if he had forgotten how to use it, but a determination shadowed his brows.

Gon’s eyes widened slightly at his words, a small noise leaving his throat. Killua felt the sound travel all the way down his length again. Killua sat up, flipping over so he was on top of Gon’s warm body. Gon’s breath hitched when Killua’s knee brushed against his length. Killua planted a wet kiss on his collarbone, his fingers gripping the waistband of Gon’s pants. He slowly dragged them down, Gon lifting his hips to help wiggle the article of clothing down and off his legs.

Killua felt his throat tighten at the sight of Gon’s underwear, his own heart pounding in his ears. _Why was his mouth watering already? Stop it!_

He looked up at Gon, expecting him to be shy or embarrassed or _anything_ other than the way he was looking now: pleased, confident and expectant. Gon kept his eyes on Killua’s veined hands when they pulled down the waistband of his navy-blue boxers. A little whine escaped from Gon’s throat when the cool air hit his exposed skin. Killua held in his own groan, kneeling back on the bed so he was between Gon’s propped knees. Trembling, his hands settled gingerly on each of Gon’s thighs. Gon might have mistaken the shaking for nervousness, but Killua knew it was from restraint. He didn’t know if he could control himself now that Gon was laid so bare before him. For so _long_ he had wanted Gon. He’d pictured him just like this, all open for him, even though he had tried so hard to bury those sinful thoughts deep down, much deeper than his assassin tendencies liked to go. The fact that Gon was willing to be so vulnerable sent an ache through Killua’s heart. _I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve_ him.

He didn’t know he’d been staring with shuddering breaths at him until Gon sat up, propping up on his elbows.

“ _Hey._ It’s okay, Killua. You don’t have to do anything.” Gon’s eyes shone bright again, his smile unwavering.

The doubt in Killua’s chest unraveled, and he stretched to give Gon a deep kiss, tasting himself on Gon’s tongue, igniting a whole new fire in his loins. Gon let out a whimper, and Killua took it as a cue to resume what he was doing. He slid his legs down the mattress, laying down in front of Gon, pinning his hips to the bed. He exhaled onto Gon’s skin, sending a shudder through the other man’s body. Killua let out a purr of satisfaction, before licking up Gon’s length. Gon whined again, his little moans turning into Killua’s name when Killua took him completely within his mouth.

Killua's blood sang underneath his skin, a flash of embarrassment at being an amateur dissolved when Killua saw the way Gon was squirming on his own bed.

“Killua, you’re really good at this,” Gon panted, his head turned to the ceiling exposing his sharp jawline and the thick column of his throat.

_“Killua.”_

The sight and Gon moaning his name like a prayer made the assassin hard again, and he plowed forward in earnest. The taste unfamiliar, but not unwelcome. He wrapped his fingers around Gon, his hand pumping in time with his mouth. He wasn’t really sure what was the right way to make Gon feel the way he did some moments ago, but he persevered nonetheless. Gon was the furthest from complaining anyway, so Killua did the best he could with the mouth God gave him. Apparently, the best was above and beyond because Gon shot upright to shove Killua off of him as he came, spurting onto his stomach, his chest heaving.

“Sorry,” he choked. “I didn’t have time to warn you.”

Killua blinked at the liquid dripping down his hands, and on Gon’s ridged stomach. His jaw ached pleasantly, and his urge to clean Gon up overcame him. He licked the exposed skin, his tongue and cheeks burning at the contact. Gon shuddered, his head dropping back down onto the pillow.

“I thought you said you were a virgin,” Gon muttered when the other man came up to lay beside him.

“I—I am,” Killua stuttered, a new blush creeping up his neck. “I’m sorry if I didn’t do it right.” Killua turned on his back, his arms coming up behind him to cradle the back of his head. Gon turned on his side to face him, his cheeks a bright crimson.

“Killua, you were perfect. Just like always.” Gon smiled adoringly at him, and Killua turned away, unable to bear the look in those eyes.

“All right, all right, that’s enough.” His voice was light though, his eyes glued to the ceiling. He could feel how close Gon was next to him, radiating sun rays across the entire bed—hell, the entire room.

“Can I hold you?”

Before Killua had a chance to respond, Gon pulled him into his chest, his muscled arms wrapping around the broad of Killua’s back, breathing in the scent of his sweat and pleasure. Killua’s hands were crushed against his chest and Gon’s but he didn’t dare move an inch. He wanted to be even _closer_ to Gon, an impossibility that left him teary with frustration. Killua wanted to open up Gon and climb into his skin, cocooning into his warm being, never resurfacing—letting everything that was light and good and _Gon_ erase the darkness and dread that seemed to engulf him every day. He pushed against the man holding him, pressing his check onto the warm chest, a feeble attempt to become one, become whole.

“What are you doing, silly?” Gon giggled, his arms tightening around him.

“I don’t ever want you to leave,” Killua whispered. His own plea sending a tingle of panic coursing through his body at the impossible thought.

“I won’t. Ever.” Killua didn’t realize how much he was holding onto that fear until Gon’s steady promise loosened all the tension in him, his body going slack against Gon. And within seconds, Killua slipped into a deep slumber, his last thought before drifting into unconsciousness being how he was sure touching Gon was like touching the sun, only better. Because Gon was all light, no burn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! Thanks so much for reading this far! I hope it was okay and please let me know if I missed any tags. Xx


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He let Gon tell his stories as minutes stretched to hours. The grass beneath his knees were flecked with gold and green and brown. He could do this forever, Gon letting him consume him in his own way. Killua climbed onto the rock, lying next to Gon, curving to his side to watch Gon’s side profile. Gon’s pulse throbbed on a spot in his neck Killua suddenly had the urge to bite. He opted to give a soft kiss there instead, jerking away when Gon opened one eye and looked down at him. Without warning, Gon turned and grabbed Killua, pulling him close. He planted a kiss on his forehead, before breathing him in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for waiting! This isn't as long as I had hoped it would be but a little fluff makes it worth it, I think.

Killua woke to something warm pressing against his side, the skin on his waist feverish. With his breath held, Killua slowly assessed the situation: he was laying on his side on the bed, facing the door. Something didn’t feel right, his nen sputtering to life and his kill intent engulfing the room. The change in atmosphere stirred Gon behind him, who was attached to the arm that was now squeezing Killua tighter.

_What in the––_

“It’s just me, can you calm down now?” Gon mumbled, nuzzling into his bare back.

Killua froze, letting relief flood into him in waves, then gingerly turned on his back to look at Gon fluttering his eyes closed. Gon’s hand rested on Killua’s stomach, his face burrowed into his neck. _Am I dreaming? I’m definitely dreaming. Gon’s in my_ bed. Killua tried to keep his breath even, but failed miserably. Gon began snoring softly again, tendrils of black hair falling over his temples, lips parted slightly as he slumbered. He was wearing a t-shirt and black boxers Killua let him borrow last night.

_Last night._

Killua closed his eyes and kept his arms locked to his sides, trying not to disturb Gon as he slept. _Was all of that real? Am I dating Gon?_ Killua couldn’t keep the goofy smile from snaking its way across his face, his free arm coming up to lay across his eyes. If he had told Killua from 24 hours ago where he’d be at this moment, he would’ve laughed hysterically right in his face. But as he watched Gon’s sleeping form curved into him as if it was the most natural thing in the world, something panged again in his chest. He felt hot tears stream down his cheeks in rivulets and realized how much love he had been holding for the other boy. Killua had never let himself face his feelings fully, and now that they were out in the open, like right _there spooning him half-naked,_ a sort of agony he never realized he had been carrying dissipated into the air. The absence of the weight of it all was too much, and Killua silently wept as Gon’s warm breaths caressed his neck.

When they both awoke a couple hours later, they shared a sleepy kiss, Killua still on cloud nine at the incredulity of it all.

“G’mornin’,” Gon slurred against his lips before pulling away to stretch theatrically. “Killua really tired me out last night,” he yawned, throwing Killua a smirk before getting up to pull on his pants from the night before.

Killua sat up on the bed, his mouth opening and closing like a gaping fish before turning away to hide the flush of red on his cheeks that threatened to become a permanent feature whenever Gon was around.

Gon laughed. “You are so cute, it kills me.” He picked up his shirt from the floor, ignoring Killua’s sputtering protests at his compliment.

“Oh,” Gon spun around, hands on his hips. “We need to talk about something first.”

Killua felt the blood from his blush drain to his toes. _Here it comes._

His voice remained cool. “Okay, what about? If you expect me to compliment your skills on last night you can forget it.”

“No, it’s not that.” Gon laughed again then turned serious, a hand rubbing the back of his head. “It’s about the wedding.”

_Of course. He wouldn’t want to be seen with him at the wedding. Did he actually think it would all be merry and perfect and romantic if they went together? Baka._

“I never asked for us to go together. It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” Killua crossed his arms, the flush back in its place.

Gon shrunk back as if slapped. “What? No! I’m talking about Jenny. I told her I’d take her, I mean that was before…” He gestured lamely to the bed. “Wait, why’d you think I didn’t want to go with you?”

 _Baka._ Killua remained silent, not grasping the right words to respond.

Gon walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge, his eyes boring into Killua’s. “Did you not want to go with _me?”_ Gon asked softly. Killua recognized Gon’s expression as hurt, or shame, and felt like burning up the sheets, the bed, himself, with his lightning. _I fucked up._

“No–no–, I just… I didn’t think you’d want to be seen with me is all. I’m sorry I forgot about Jenny.” Killua looked down at his lap. “I don’t want you to be rude to her.”

Gon reached out and softly grasped the other boy’s chin with his fingers, firmly lifting until Killua’s eyes met his.

“If it’s okay with you, I want you to be my date.” Gon’s face didn’t waver, his voice as strong as ever.

“But what about Jenny?”

“I’ll talk to her, don’t worry. She’ll understand.”

“And Kurapika and Leorio? I don’t want to steal their spotlight by announcing…this…”

Gon rubbed his own chin and pondered for a moment. “Fine. Then we have to come out _before_ the wedding.”

_“Uh, what?”_

“Let’s tell everyone. Tonight. The guys are having a small dinner at the sushi place down in Midtown.”

Killua’s mind was reeling. “Weren’t you the one unsure of this relationship not 12 hours ago?! And now you want to tell the world about us?”

“Yes, but why waste time? My feelings for you can only grow, and I already feel comfortable doing what we do. Might as well go all in.” Gon shot him the most glaring grin, his face lit up like a Christmas Tree.

Killua let out an exasperated sigh. “You’re insufferable. Fine.” If Gon wanted to show him off as his boyfriend, he wouldn’t complain.

Gon only smiled wider, if that was even possible, and picked up Killua’s hand from his lap, bringing it to his lips. He kissed inside Killua’s wrist softly, sending a new wave of electricity through all of Killua’s extremities.

“I can’t wait.”

\------------------------

After Gon had left the apartment, Killua called up Alluka to check if she had arrived okay the night before. _Better late than never right?_

“Alluka, it’s me. How’s the hangover?”

Alluka responded with a groan. “ _Pounding. And you? Still moping_?”

Her accusation was so far from what Killua was experiencing right now – which was utter euphoria – but he kept his mouth shut. “We’re meeting tonight at Beno’s. You should come.”

_“Who’s ‘we’?”_

“Well me, Kura and Leorio…and Gon.” He heard Alluka take a sharp inhale and prepared for her barrage of questions.

“ _Oh, cool. Sure, I’ll see you there.”_

Killua paused, he hadn’t realized he was flinching. “That’s it? I thought—never mind. I’ll text you the details.”

_“Sounds good. Now let me go to sleep, bro.” Click._

Killua rubbed his hand over his face. That was odd. The rumbling of his stomach shook him out of his reverie, and after guzzling down some cereal, he hopped into the shower. It was late afternoon, and the lightheadedness he felt was unfamiliar. He hoped the hot water would wash away the dizzy feeling, blaming it on nervousness for tonight. But after taking some painkillers, Killua realized what he was feeling was absence of anguish. He didn’t feel dread or the usual anxiety that accompanied him upon waking, and ended up laughing at the bizarreness of it all. The feeling left him sort of empty, but not quite. Lighter, was the word. But he missed that weight, had gotten comfortable knowing it was always there.

_Ah well._

While he was waiting for the elevator, a text came in from Gon.

**Gon**

_Gon: What are you doing right now?_

_Killua: Was about to pick up some paintbrushes I ordered. Why?_

_Gon: Didn’t know Killua painted. Thought all your hands were good for was wrapping around your targets’ throats… Or mine ;)_

Killua almost dropped his phone in the elevator. _Was Gon flirting with him?_

_Killua: I’m good at many things. Maybe I can show you some examples._

His heartbeat pounded as he pressed sent. Even though they had _been together_ last night, he hadn’t really spoken like this with Gon…yet.

_Gon: It would be my honor. Maybe tonight after dinner_

Killua’s heart dropped just like the elevator that was zipping down to the bottom. Gon had sort of hinted he wanted more last night, but it seemed his patience with it being Killua’s first time and all had won over. They ended up going to bed swiftly and happily, until waking up this morning in those blissful arms. _Why am I acting like a teenager? It’s fine. Sex is normal. Sex with Gon is…normal._

By the time the elevator doors opened, his cheeks were flushed crimson once again. He quickly nodded to the doorman before rushing down the street to the subway entrance. _Seems Alluka got to me after all._

 _Bing!_ Another text came in.

_Gon: Unless you don’t want to_

_Killua: I’d never decline such an appealing offer. But…we might need to prepare_

_Gon: Don’t worry, I got it. See you tonight_

Killua put his phone in his pocket as he got on the train. He got off two stops later at Chelsea, booking it to his favorite art shop. After spending what seemed like hours browsing the in-house art galleries, Killua noticed with alarm it was almost time to meet for dinner. He wouldn’t have time to go home and get changed, not that what he was wearing wouldn’t work for a sushi bar, but still. Whatever he wore made him self-conscious now that he knew Gon would be looking at him as a boyfriend. Now on the subway, he pulled critically at his rust cable-knit sweater, and looked down begrudgingly at his distressed jeans. His canvas tote was straining with all the canvases and art supplies he had purchased, and cursed himself for not having enough time to drop it off at home. At his stop, Killua fired a text to Alluka and Gon, not wanting to show up at the restaurant alone. Neither responded.

Sighing, he walked out of the station and made his way to Beno’s. The restaurant had an unassuming front, but was still extremely popular due to the quality of their food. As proof, when Killua neared the place, a line of patrons was leading outside the door, along the sidewalk.

He was about to call Gon and Alluka again when a text came in.

_Leorio: Hey, we’re here already. You can just tell them my name at the front._

_What the fuck? They’re all here already?_ Killua walked up to the greeter at the front, much to the chagrin of those waiting outside.

“I’m with the Paladinight party…?”

“Of course! You’re the last one in the party to arrive so follow me. We’ve been expecting you.” _Huh?_

The young greeter gave a warm smile before leading Killua through the throngs of tables to the back of the parlor.

 _So they came here first, those bastards._ Killua inwardly cursed his sister and his…boyfriend.

The waiter led him to some double bamboo doors, sliding them open to reveal a long table with…well, almost everyone.

“Killua!” Gon bounded up out of his seat and crushed him into a hug. He smelled divine.

“Dude, what the hell?” Killua peeled Gon’s arms from his neck, his ever-present blush already setline home. He shifted his gaze to Leorio and Kurapika at one end of the table, Alluka to their right and Jenny right beside her. Knuckle, Shoot and Melody were at the other end, waving cheerily when Killua walked in.

_Fuck me._

“Oh, hi everyone…” Killua smiled nervously.

“Come on, sit!” Alluka beckoned them both over, the rest of the table-mates greeting Killua as he took a seat. The waiter left to retrieve menus and conversations erupted from all corners. Killua sat right next to Gon, who had resumed his conversation with Leorio about some type of trading cards they were into. Below the table, Gon squeezed his hand in his own, causing Killua to let out a little squeak he quickly covered with a cough. Killua chatted with Melody for a bit, before letting Knuckle take over the conversation and making them laugh with his ridiculous jokes. The food arrived, and the conversations only lulled by a fraction, everyone seeming so excited to catch up and discuss the wedding that was the day after tomorrow.

Killua tried his best to meld into the background, only adding details to Alluka’s stories as needed, and offering tidbits of advice whenever asked. Jenny seemed to be in good spirits, so that was a huge relief. The entire time, Gon did not let go of his hand under the table except when he was eating, casually rubbing circles with his thumb over the back of his hand. The constant pressure of moist warmth felt comforting, and Killua realized Gon had awakened a new love language in him: touch.

“So, out with it. I’m _dying_ already.” Alluka had spoken over her dessert cup, the table’s chattering coming to a silence. All eyes were on them. The sudden attention made Killua go red again, and he instinctively let go of Gon’s hand as if caught.

He blinked in surprised at his sister, her mischievous grin giving her away.

“ _You knew?”_

The entire table erupted in laughter, a ‘duh’ echoing in unison.

Killua’s face burned and Gon laughed along nervously.

“Remember I told Gon last night where he could find you?” Alluka and Jenny snickered.

“Oh, right…” Killua wanted the earth to reach up and swallow him whole. _This is embarrassing._

“But still, you didn’t know it would lead to…” Killua turned to look at Gon beside him, who was wearing a smile of cautious joy.

“It had to.” Alluka replied, the others nodding. “It was the only logical conclusion. Everyone could see it at the party.”

It was Gon’s turn to blush at that.

“I’m just glad it finally happened,” Leorio added. He and Kurapika still had traces of amusement on their faces.

“Well, I had no freaking clue until last night,” Knuckle bellowed a laugh causing everyone to emit some giggling again.

“I’m glad you two are happy,” Kurapika smiled warmly, reaching out to pat Gon on the shoulder, his eyes teary.

“Ach, stop it. It’s not that big a deal.” Killua grumbled, his eyes on his plate in front of him.

“Now we can all finally enjoy this goddamn wedding like it was meant to!” Leorio lifted his cup to toast, his words earning a shoulder smack from Kurapika. Everyone else toasted, and the entire time Killua tried to brush off some of the attention and congratulatory pats, Gon didn’t remove his gaze from him.

\-------------------------

“Wanna go for a walk in the park?”

Killua shrugged in response. They had just left the others at their station, bidding them goodnight. It was still early, so Gon had asked if Killua minded spending a bit more time with him in the city before they went back to his apartment.

“Sure, whatever.” He slipped his hands in his pockets, following Gon as he crossed the street to the entrance to the park. His eyes roamed Gon’s tall frame, which sported a green biker jacket and skinny jeans hugging his muscles. He sometimes forgot how much Gon had grown up, how much experiences he had lived. _Without me,_ Killua’s brain helpfully supplied. It was a full moon, so they had no trouble spotting the trails in the park, Gon walking until he came into the rock-meadow clearing, a lush lawn littered with giant rocks for lounging. He plopped down on the biggest one, the only other people in the clearing a couple far away that seemed to be having a moonlit picnic date. Romantic.

Gon laid down on the rock, spread eagled, his eyes staring at the sky. The moonlight reflected off his lashes, his elegant nose casting a shadow over his cheek. His dark hair fanned behind him, a silken pillow.

He deserved to be on a canvas.

“Let me draw you,” Killua blurted.

Gon blinked up at him, then shifted his golden eyes to the jam-packed tote on Killua’s shoulder. His face broke into a grin.

“Okay.”

Killua kneeled on the grass beside him, setting his art supplies on the ground. He scrambled to set up the mini easel he took everywhere with him, and ripped open a brand new 3x5 canvas he had just bought.

He heard Gon laugh. “There’s no rush. I have all night.”

“Yeah, but the moon doesn’t.” Killua felt he was running out of time. “Don’t move.”

“You got it.” Gon looked back up at the sky. “Can I talk at least?”

“Sure, just don’t move like your body too much.”

Gon gave a tiny nod.

Killua couldn’t believe he was allowed to watch him so unabashedly like this. This was the perfect excuse to stare at him for as long as he wanted. His breath shook but his hand remained steady as he began his sketch. He drew in rapid, furious strokes, his brain impatient with the way his hand was moving. He wanted to capture everything, every muscle, every breath Gon’s lung took, every blink, every movement of his lips. Gon told him of his adventures as Killua sat there and captured him in a time capsule. He barely registered the words Gon was saying, all soothing and gliding over his skin like a security blanket. He let Gon tell his stories as minutes stretched to hours. The grass beneath his knees were flecked with gold and green and brown. He could do this forever, Gon letting him consume him in his own way. The moon was almost hidden away, the picnicking couple long gone, and Killua painted his finishing touches to notice Gon had drifted off, his chest rising and falling evenly. He got to his feet, his knees protesting and popping noisily. He quietly packed up his supplies, leaving the painting to dry. He climbed onto the rock, lying next to Gon, curving to his side to watch Gon’s side profile. Gon’s pulse throbbed on a spot in his neck Killua suddenly had the urge to bite. He opted to give a soft kiss there instead, jerking away when Gon opened one eye and looked down at him. Without warning, Gon turned and grabbed Killua, pulling him close. He planted a kiss on his forehead, before breathing him in.

“You smell so good.”

Killua made a little squeak in his throat, and pushed Gon away to get to his feet. “The painting’s done,” he croaked.

“Really? Can I see?” Gon rubbed his eyes and got to his feet.

Killua walked back and turned the easel carefully, his eyes avoiding Gon’s face as he stepped to the side to present the piece of art.

Gon didn’t say anything for a moment. Killua couldn’t handle the suspense and lifted his eyes to look at Gon but all he saw was green leather mere inches from his face, and lifted his head to see Gon staring at him. Before Killua could protest, Gon cupped his chin and kissed him slowly and softly, working open Killua’s mouth with his tongue, asking for entrance. Killua’s own mouth conceded, inviting him in and reveling in the the _wetness_ and _heat_ that was Gon’s tongue. When Gon pulled away with no warning, Killua was left gasping, the absence of Gon’s mouth on his a punch to the gut.

“It’s radiant, Killua.” Gon smiled, his eyes trained on the painting beside them. “Can I keep it?”

Killua could only manage a nod, his words stolen away from him.

“Are you ready to go?”

Again, all Killua could do was nod, his mind reeling on the word _radiant, radiant, radiant_ because that was all Gon was: radiance.

“I don’t know how we’ll get it back to the apartment, though.”

Killua finally found his voice. “I’ll call Randy to come pick us up.” He pulled out his phone to send a text.

“Oh, right, Randy.” Gon laughed.

Gon picked up the canvas carefully, walking to the nearest trail that led to the streets. When Randy arrived, they set it on the back seats with the rest of the supplies. By the time they got to Killua’s apartment, it was almost 2 a.m.

“I have got to stop coming by your place so late at night, people will think I’m your escort.”

“You can definitely pull off the part,” Killua responded coolly before realizing what he’d said, but Gon only laughed in response.

The elevator took them up to the penthouse floor, and Killua was already shaking in his boots.

_Maybe tonight after dinner._

Killua had wondered if Gon still planned to hook up tonight as promised, seeing how tired he was. Gon was leaning on the wall, his head flung back on the glass wall that encased the elevator, eyes closed. _Well, why else would he come over? To cuddle?_

Actually, knowing Gon that was plausible.

The soft _ping!_ announced their arrival to his floor. Gon walked groggily through the foyer, his arms setting the canvas down gingerly near the entryway. Killua’s body was exhausted, but his brain was too fired up about what could possibly happen that sleep was nowhere in the near future.

“Do you need to rest?” Killua watched Gon walk to his bedroom, kicking off his shoes along the way.

“No, do you?” Gon entered the room, flopping on the bed face-down.

“No,” Killua stuttered. “But you seem tired.”

“I’m fine, I just need to lay down a little.” Gon’s words came out muffled, his face stuffed into a pillow. “Come lay down with me.”

Killua took off his shoes and slid under the covers beside Gon. He hesitantly reached out a hand and ran his fingers through Gon’s locks, emitting a groan from the other boy. The sound went straight to his groin.

He yanked back his hand in alarm.

“Don’t stop. It’s nice.” More muffled words.

Killua didn’t think he’d stop Gon from making those noises _if he tried._

It was going to be a long night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love these two so much!! Been watching a lot of Killugon TikToks which prompted some of the fluff here. If I was an artist, I wish I could draw the scene in the park :( Alas, I hope a generous artist feels free to bring it to life. Next chapter will be smut. You've been warned;)


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